Third Sunday after Trinity

Friends

Ps. [39 Prayer for wisdom] 41 My friend; 1 Sam. 18:1—16 Saul, Jonathan and David; Luke 8:41—56 Jairus' daughter and the sick woman

'Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.' 1 Samuel 18:3

Saul and David

King Saul liked the young shepherd-boy named David. When Saul had one of his increasingly frequent fits of incipient madness, he sent for David to play soothingly to him on the harp. David, for his part, seems to have liked and admired King Saul. But the friendship went sour, and soon Saul threw his spear at David, and hunted him across country trying to kill him. David, however, remembered how deep their friendship had been, to begin with. Today we'd probably have warned him, ‘With friends like that, who needs enemies?' David wrote a psalm about false friends, which was later applied to Judas Iscariot, whom Jesus befriended with such fatal consequences:

Yea, mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, which did eat of my bread, hath lifted up his heel against me.

Times of difficulty show up who are your true friends; when you're in trouble, false friends vanish as quickly as do the morning mists when the day gets hot.

David and Jonathan

King Saul had a son called Jonathan. Between David and Jonathan there sprang up a very deep and true friendship. Jonathan swore an oath of never-ending friendship with David, ‘because he loved him as his own soul'. When Saul threatened to kill David, Jonathan saved David's life, at some risk to his own. David never forgot his friendship with Jonathan or Saul, and when they were both killed in battle David composed an unforgettable lament for them; for his friend who'd been a faithful friend, and his friend who'd become his enemy:

Saul and Jonathan, beloved and lovely!
In life and in death they were not divided ...
I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan;
greatly beloved were you to me;
your love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women.

Dangers in friendship

These days, some people might raise an eyebrow at such language used between men. Same-sex friendships are under suspicion. Freudians would have us believe that there's a sexual element in every friendship, however small and subconscious, but that's no reason why we should be afraid of making close friends of either gender. It's a question of how we handle our friendships. In most cultures, friends will want to show their friendship by giving each other a hug, at least. What else they do is entirely their own business, and no concern of snoopy neighbours. But there are dangers in even the most innocent friendship. If it becomes passionate, the friends may become so engrossed in each other that they forget about their other friends altogether. This can happen in a marriage between two people who are deeply in love, and while it's understandable, it's not healthy. If God comes into our relationships, we shan't for-get to be kind and companionable to the people around us.

Blessings of friendship

But while remembering the dangers, let's thank God for the blessing of friendship. Friends are what make life enjoyable; the friendless person's a sad sack. But friendship, like marriage, needs working at. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote ‘A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature', and, ‘The only way to have a friend is to be one.' There's a verse in the book of Proverbs:

Some friends play at friendship,
but a true friend sticks closer than one's nearest kin.

or you may know it better in the Authorized Version: ‘There is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.' If you find such a friend, count yourself richly blessed.

Aelred of Rievaulx

So how do we balance the blessing of friendship with its dangers? St Aelred lived in the twelfth century; priests were allowed to marry in those days, and he was the son of a Saxon priest in Hexham. Monks, of course, were committed to celibacy, and Aelred went on to become the Abbott of the Cistercian Abbey of Rievaulx – now one of the many beautiful ruined monasteries in Yorkshire. He worried about how he was to handle the deep and sometimes passionate friendships between the men in the community he was responsible for. Aelred wrote a book on friendship, in which he recommended his monks to learn from their friendships, and use them to inspire a deep and personal friendship with Jesus. Jesus said, ‘You are my friends if you do what I command you.' Friend-ship with Jesus is the best friendship of all. It's a friendship which is really worth working at.

Suggested hymns

Bind us together, Lord; Blest be the tie that binds; He wants (lacks) not friends that hath thy love; What a friend we have in Jesus.